i always felt a bit uneasy when I watched him sing, and this week when I realized why, it was so suddenly and shockingly obvious that I felt exposed, that certainly everybody who has ever seen them sing together immediately knew. they saw that he and she are what I always wanted us to be.
us - always a dream - and manifested before my eyes in his fingers on the guitar and her long hair.
their ease together, their bodies always nearly touching but never hinting at more, their pure talent combining into heavenly harmonies.
a dream. so impossible all these years. unreachable. and, with time, gaining distance, I had assumed. until I couldn't get them out of my head and suddenly what we couldn't be was once again trotting gaily past my window.
it still takes my breath away. we couldn't find this place. but they are there.
so I sit and listen and watch and sometimes even sing to myself, and in some way I am satisfied. it was possible. we weren't crazy for trying.
I don't miss you, I'm afraid, but I miss the warmth that came from striving to hit the right notes.
